blue lake

it was mid-late summer and I was 15 or 16
when she announced she would be leaving for Texas
taking my brother, leaving money for provisions
I'd been on my own for a few weeks, maybe two

went shopping for sugared cereal
and slept at friends' houses
never even threw a wild party, was too responsible

I tried to water ski, but my face just got dragged
sputtering at the water level, never rising
still refusing to let go of the rope

their cousins came to visit
and we all piled into the back of trucks, heading for Blue Lake
cliff diving into the cold water, toes sinking in the grey clay muck
it was easy to pretend you'd gone off the Big one -
just stand shivering and wet, exclaiming, "wasn't that great?!"

took the boat over the border, north
jumped off the bridge at the edge of town
where we got the good soft ice cream at that place
sprinkles optional

cruising the loop with a pony keg in a station wagon
how stupid was that, and ending up in some pizza place
three hours later, tired and sunburn

years later I'd be driving by and remember
once I swam across Blue Lake
urged on by two companions, trying to match them stroke for stroke
don't know how I made it, sheer determination I guess

tried not to think about the depths, or what lie beneath
knowing you can't stop, must keep moving
if you move, you can't sink
and the other side looks so close...